Lupin's Pensieve
by Lupinfangirl
Summary: Tonks is curious: what secrets is the handsome and mysterious Remus Lupin hiding? One peek into his Pensieve is all it takes--but will it bring them together or push them further apart? NTRL
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Beckoned by the smell of something delicious cooking—the kind of smell that can only come from something homemade—Tonks came into the kitchen of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place. Indeed, Molly Weasley was standing over the stove, adding sliced carrots to what looked like a rich, savory stew. This was a perfect ending to a long day of work, and Tonks, who was not much of a cook, felt her spirits lift instantly.

"Wotcher, Molly!" she said, "What's cooking?"

"Hello, dear," beamed the older woman, "So good to see you. This is something Muggles call a 'campfire stew.' Arthur found the recipe in some Muggle magazine, and you know how excited he gets when he has his heart set on something."

"Yeah, my dad's like that too." Tonks nodded. "Mum always says that all men are like little boys, including him."

Molly laughed. "Can't argue with that. How was work, love?"

"Not too exciting; mostly just boring paperwork. Not that I want Death Eaters on the loose or anything, but I am an Auror. It's kind of my job."

"Oh, I'm sure there will be plenty of opportunities for catching Death Eaters," said Molly, "After all, that's what the Order is for!"

"True," Tonks smiled, "Speaking of which, is anyone here yet? Or am I the first to arrive?"

"You're the first," Molly answered, "But the meeting starts in fifteen minutes, so everyone should be here shortly. In the meantime, would you do me a favor?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"Would you mind taking this _Defense Against the Dark Arts _magazine to Remus' room? I think he'd like it."

"No problem, Molly. I'll be right there."

"Thanks, dear," said Molly, turning back to the stew.

Tonks climbed up the stairs, not without a sense of curiosity. She's been a member of the Order for two weeks, and has been interested in Remus since that first meeting. Of course she tried to talk to him, but Remus was very quiet and introverted, and she hasn't been too successful at getting him to open up. Tonks tried to tell herself to give up—she was in the Order to defend the Wizarding world, not to pick up guys—but she just couldn't get over herself.

Remus wasn't like the young men she knew from work or through friends. He was intelligent and well-read, and Tonks just felt with as much certainty as she knew her own birthday that Remus was a very kind man, no doubt haunted by some secret that made him this reticent. And he was handsome too, Tonks thought. Not traditionally handsome because he was thin and tired-looking, and had graying hair and a prematurely lined face, but his eyes were a beautiful shade of blue-gray. And when he smiled, rare as it was, the smile lit up his whole face and made him look years younger.

Tonks opened the door to Remus' room and stepped in. The room was small and neat; there was a dresser and a desk with a bookcase near the window. The bed was made up perfectly, in such a way as to make Molly Weasley proud. On the dresser, were some photographs. One of them showed four boys sitting on the grass outside of Hogwarts, and Tonks understood that to be Remus and the other three Marauders. James was wearing his Quidditch uniform and throwing the Snitch into the air and catching it, with a cocky smile on his face. Sirius was grinning playfully at James and kept bopping him over the head, as if begging him to put the Snitch down and stop showing off. Peter was laughing heartily at the whole scene, and Remus was also laughing…but he didn't look as happy as the others. Yes, even back then, he looked sad, as if something was deeply troubling him.

The other pictures were of James and Lily on their wedding day, where they both looked truly radiant, ignorant of the tragedy that would soon befall them; James and Lily together with Sirius, their best man (no lie, Azkaban really changed him!); and a baby picture of Harry, instantly recognizable by his lightning-bolt scar and his bright green eyes. Tonks stepped over to the desk, where she put the magazine that Molly gave her, and as she did so, her eye scanned the books. _Defense Against the Dark Arts, A View on Grindylows, Werewolf: Man or Beast?, _and a few Muggle authors, whose names sounded familiar: Shakespeare, Balzac, Dickens, Hugo, and others.

Preparing to leave, Tonks suddenly caught sight of a shallow crystal bowl on one of the bookshelves. It contained a clear fluid, and Tonks instantly recognized it as a Pensieve. She's seen plenty of those during her Auror investigations; indeed, Pensieves have been highly useful to them a number of times, providing them with the necessary evidence to imprison or acquit wizards and witches.

"I _have _to take a peek," Tonks said to herself. "What could it be that makes Remus look so miserable? An unlucky romance? We've all had one of those!"

She looked at the clock. It was ten minutes to five, ten minutes until the start of the meeting. Plenty of time to travel into the past and satisfy her curiosity, without anyone even noticing she's gone. Risk-taking was always exciting to Tonks, and she just couldn't pass up an opportunity like this.

Taking a deep breath, Tonks lowered her face into the cool liquid…


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **I wasn't sure if I'll continue this, but after receiving multiple e-mails of people adding this to their Story Alert, I decided it wouldn't be fair to let them down! Thanks, guys!

Chapter 2

The next thing Tonks knew, she was standing in Dumbledore's office. Although she had never been there before, she saw Dumbledore sitting behind the desk and his phoenix, Fawkes, in a cage beside him, so it wasn't hard to deduce. On the other side of his desk sat a sandy-haired boy, who couldn't have been older than ten or eleven, a plump woman with reddish-brown hair and kindly blue eyes, and a thin man with rectangular glasses. Taking a fourth chair, Tonks sat down and looked on curiously.

"I have gotten your letter, Mr. Lupin," Dumbledore was saying, "and it seems to me that you have certain, shall we say, qualms about Remus coming to Hogwarts."

"Professor Dumbledore, believe me, we were very happy to hear Remus was accepted to Hogwarts, but you see, he isn't like other children," said Remus' father, and Tonks couldn't help noticing that he had almost the same slightly hoarse voice that Remus did. "He—"

"I am perfectly aware of your situation, Mr. Lupin," Dumbledore cut him off, "It will be a challenge, but I believe that with some arrangements, Remus will feel right at home here. You see, Hogwarts was built by the Founders, who chose to make Hogwarts a school for children of all wizarding and Muggle backgrounds. What do you think, Remus? How do you like the school?"

"I think it's wonderful, sir," Remus answered, smiling shyly, "I can't wait to learn how to do magic!"

"Excited, then?" asked Dumbledore, his blue eyes twinkling.

"Oh yes, but my condition…I don't know how…"

_What condition??_ Tonks literally was on the edge of her seat, impatient to find out.

"Yes, Professor, what arrangements did you have in mind?" Remus' mother spoke up.

"Well, if you and your husband agree to send Remus here, I will give instructions to build a tree right outside this window. This tree will have a secret passage that would lead to a small shack. Remus will come once a month and transform without hurting anyone."

_Bloody hell,_ Tonks thought, feeling faint. _He's a werewolf!! _She couldn't believe it—kind, gentle Remus a monster! To be fair, it wasn't his fault that he was bitten, but no doubt he's been feared and rejected all his life. Poor Remus, no wonder he always looked so miserable!

Caught up in her reverie, Tonks gasped when she felt something grab her arm and pull hard. A moment later, she found herself in Remus' room again…but this time she was not alone. Remus was standing next to her, pale in the face and looking positively furious.

"So the little Auror decided to do some secret investigations?" he asked in a cold and sarcastic tone, "Who gave you permission to snoop in here, I would like to know!!!"

"Remus, please, I can explain!" Tonks cried out, on the verge of tears, "Molly asked me to come in to—"

"To what? To get into my Pensieve and invade my privacy?"

Tonks was afraid. Remus always seemed like one of those people, who hardly ever get angry, but when they do, it's terrifying. She couldn't speak; she felt like he was choking.

"Out, Tonks!" Remus yelled, "And don't you ever come in here again!" Tonks stumbled out, Remus slamming the door after her.

She looked at her watch; it was 4:58. Two minutes to the Order meeting. Quickly, Tonks ran to the bathroom and took a few deep breaths. "I will not cry," she told herself. "Not in front of everyone."

Still shaky, Tonks composed herself as best she could and went down to the dining room, where many of the members were already assembled. She mumbled a few "hellos" and "How are yous"and took a seat between Kingsley and Hestia Jones. She spoke only when Dumbledore asked her a question, otherwise sitting with her gaze to the floor, looking at no one and especially not Remus.

Thankfully, the meeting was soon over, and Tonks was the first one out the door. She Apparated to her flat and as soon as she came in, gave way to her tears.

"I ruined everything with my stupid curiosity!" she sobbed. "Remus hates me now, and it's all my bloody fault! Why am I such an idiot??!!!"

The next day, Tonks went to work, but instead of going to Grimmauld Place to hang out afterwards, she went home. It was boring and lonely by herself—she loved being around people—so she went to a nearby bookstore and there looked through some Muggle literature until the store closed. She stayed away from the romance novels, deliberately looking at the Humor section, but Remus kept popping into her head at random times. Each time, she felt a pang and thought that if she apologized, things may improve…but what if Remus won't forgive her?

Two days later, Tonks had guard duty at the Ministry from eight o'clock until midnight. She always hated to sit around doing nothing, especially that night, with her anxiety, so she was glad when the clock finally struck midnight. It was time to report to Grimmauld Place, and then— bed.

Stifling a yawn, Tonks walked outside and only then did she notice the rain, coming down in torrents. Swearing loudly, she pulled out her wand to Apparate, but was soaked to the skin before she even got to Sirius' house. Swearing under her breath, she opened the door, walked in, and tripped on the troll's-leg umbrella stand, which she didn't see in the dark. Tonks fell flat on her back and let out a cry of pain, which promptly set off the portrait of Sirius' mother.

Now she was really upset. Could things get any worse? Before she had time to think anything else, however, she heard footsteps coming down the hall.

"Tonks, is that you?" she heard someone ask.

She then saw the person approach and her eyes widened as she recognized Remus.

_Oh, Merlin_, thought Tonks. _I wish I could disappear right now!_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Third and final chapter up! Enjoy and review!** Chapter 3

"Oh, Merlin!" thought Tonks, squeezing her eyes shut. "This is some kind of nightmare!"

"Tonks, are you all right?" Remus asked, coming up to her.

Tonks opened her eyes and was surprised to see Remus looking at her with concern.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine…I think," she said. "Happens all the time. I'm probably immune by now." She let out a weak chuckle.

Remus held out a hand and helped her up. "Can you stand?" he asked. Tonks nodded.

"Wait here then. Let me shut this woman up first."

Tonks noticed that Mrs. Black was still yelling, and Remus hurried to shut the curtains, using what seemed like every last ounce of his strength. When she finally fell silent, Remus walked up to Tonks and put an arm around her to help her walk.

"You're soaking wet!" he exclaimed, and without further ado, pulled out his wand and pointed it at her clothes. Tonks was instantly warm and dry.

"Thanks, Remus," she said. "And I'm sorry to have made so much trouble."

"No, no, don't worry about it," said Remus, smiling at her. "I was just sitting in the library and thinking of how my life lacked trouble. And then you come in, an answer to my prayers!"

Tonks couldn't help but laugh. It was incredible how Remus was acting so different this time, so…approachable. Maybe this was her chance to clear everything up.

"Uh, Remus?" she said tentatively. "Do you have a minute?"

"Sure," Remus answered. "Let's go into the kitchen. Would you like some tea?"

"Tea would be great."

A minute later, Remus handed Tonks a mug of tea, to which he added three teaspoons of sugar and just a drop of milk.

"How did you—"Tonks began in amazement.

"I've known you for two weeks," Remus said, sounding amused. "And after seeing you take your tea the same way every time, it wasn't that hard to figure out."

Tonks' stomach gave a little squirm at the thought that Remus remembered such a small detail about her. She didn't even know how her own parents took their tea, for Merlin's sake.

Remus took a sip of his own drink and looked at her. "So what's on your mind?"

Tonks' face flushed a deep red as the reason for wanting to talk to him came back into her memory.

"Um," she muttered, looking down. "I just…I feel terrible about getting into your Pensieve. And I'd understand if you hate me now, but I want to let you know how sorry I am."

Remus reached across and took her hand, squeezing it gently. "Hate you? How can I possibly hate you?"

"But I invaded your privacy! That's almost as bad as using one of the Unforgivable Curses!" Tonks exclaimed in surprise.

"No, dear, don't be so hard on yourself. I actually need to apologize to _you_. I was very rude when I caught you there, and I've been beating myself up about it ever since."

"You know, I think we were both more annoyed with ourselves than with each other," Tonks said, laughing. "But I'm glad we talked about this. Friends?"

"Of course," said Remus, also smiling and looking relieved. He stood up and hugged Tonks tightly. Tonks leaned into the embrace, breathing in his crisp, clean smell and resting her head on his chest.

When they broke apart, Remus said:

"Is it OK if I ask you something?"

"That depends on what it is," Tonks answered, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm just curious," said Remus slowly, "If you were dying to know more about me, why didn't you just ask?"

Tonks blushed, her hair turning magenta, as it sometimes did. "I wasn't sure how to approach you," she answered honestly. "You seemed so pensive all the time, kind of troubled by something. And I couldn't help but wonder, so it was impossible to resist the temptation."

Remus nodded. "I realize I did seem aloof, and I'm sorry to have come across that way. It's just my worry of people finding out I'm a werewolf and looking at me in disgust." He paused. "And when I met you, I didn't want a young, beautiful, and intelligent woman looking at me in that way."

"Oh, Remus," Tonks sighed, empathy for Remus mingled with elation at his compliments. "Unfortunately, most people don't realize that werewolves are people, like everyone else. But let me tell you, when I found out, I felt nothing like horror or disgust."

"You didn't?" Remus asked in astonishment.

"No, of course not." Tonks took his hand and gave it an affectionate squeeze. "To me, you're just Remus Lupin, a sweet and amazing person, and your condition really doesn't matter as much as you think it does."

"Thank you, Tonks. That really…means a lot to me." Remus' voice broke, and on looking up, Tonks saw that his eyes looked a little bright. She looked away, not wanting to make him uncomfortable, and instead concentrated on finishing her tea. They sat in silence for several minutes, each lost in thought, when suddenly Tonks glanced at her watch.

"Blimey, it's past one! I'm exhausted." And she gave a huge yawn, as if to prove her point.

Remus yawned too. "Yes, we can both do with some sleep. Full moon was just the other night, and I'm still recovering."

"I'll mark the lunar schedule on my calendar from now on," Tonks said with a chuckle. "Well, good night, Remus."

"Good night, Nymphadora. Sweet dreams."

"Now, don't make me hex you. It's Tonks to you, Lupin!" she said, swatting him playfully on the arm. The truth was, she didn't mind so much when Remus called her Nymphadora. He had a way of making her hideous name sound almost decent, something she never thought could be possible.

"All right, all right!" said Remus, rubbing his arm where she hit him, in mock pain. "Good night, Tonks."

"Night, Remus."

As Tonks got into her pajamas and slipped into bed, she couldn't help marveling at the unpredictability of life. She felt like this was a reward for three crummy days, and was so relieved that things worked out so wonderfully with Remus. Closing her eyes, she soon drifted off to sleep, with one last thought. " I need to get a Pensieve too," she decided, "And this will be my first memory!"

_The End _


End file.
